Why Your Wife Needs Emotional Safety To Be Intimate

You may have heard that your wife needs emotional safety to be intimate with you. But what does that mean?

Surely she should feel safe with you because you've never threatened her physically or mentally?

You may be wondering what you need to do to improve your marriage. Maybe you're feeling some disconnection in your relationship or maybe you just know that there's much MORE that's possible in terms of fun, passion, affection and intimacy between you but have no idea how to create it.

Are you in a sexless marriage or a relationship that lacks connection, trust and intimacy?

Have you heard things like "I need space" or "You never listen to me" or "I don't trust you"?

Or perhaps you just want more sex and to feel loved and desired in your marriage?

Emotional safety is a crucial aspect of any relationship, and it is particularly important for your wife to feel safe enough to be intimate with you.

Emotional safety refers to the sense of trust and security that individuals feel within a relationship, and it is essential for the development of emotional intimacy and connection.

If your wife doesn't feel emotionally safe with you, then she can't relax around you fully and if she can't relax with you, then there's no way she will want to be as vulnerable as to let you inside her - sex is a very vulnerable act for a woman.

One of the main reasons why emotional safety is important for your wife to be intimate is because it helps her to feel secure and be able to open up emotionally.

When she feels emotionally safe, she can trust you and be vulnerable with you. This means that she is able to share her thoughts, feelings, fears and experiences with you without fear of judgment or rejection.

This level of openness and vulnerability is essential for the development of emotional intimacy, which is a fundamental aspect of any close relationship.

Another reason why emotional safety is important for your wife to want to be intimate with you is because it allows her to feel secure in the relationship.

When she feels emotionally safe, she is able to trust that you will be there for her and that she can rely on you.

This sense of security allows her to let go of her defenses and fully engage in the relationship. It also enables her to be more fully present in the relationship, which is essential for intimacy.

Emotional safety helps your wife feel heard and understood.

When she feels emotionally safe, she can express herself freely without fear of being judged or misunderstood.

This level of understanding is essential for building trust which is essential for intimacy as it enables you both to connect on a deeper level, understand each other's perspectives, and grow closer emotionally.

Emotional safety also allows your wife to know her boundaries will be respected.

She needs to feel safe enough to set boundaries and communicate their needs without fear of being rejected or judged.

When her boundaries are respected, she can relax and feel more comfortable with you. This is important for intimacy as it allows her to feel safe and secure in the relationship.

Emotional safety is not a one-time event, it's a continuous process that requires effort and maintenance from both partners.

It's important for both partners to be aware of their actions and words and how they affect the emotional safety within the relationship.

Communication is essential in creating and maintaining emotional safety, it allows individuals to be honest, be vulnerable, express their feelings, needs and boundaries.

Additionally, it's important for both partners to be willing to listen, understand, and make the effort to create a safe space.

10 Simple Steps You Can Take To Provide Emotional Safety In Your Marriage

Listen to understand how she's feeling, what she's afraid of, how her energetic state is (tired, emotional, happy, overwhelmed etc). This helps her FEEL cared for and loved.
Show genuine interest in her day, not just "what" happened, but how she experienced the things that happened - what impact did they have on her emotional state?
Communicate openly and honestly with her, share your thoughts and feelings too. You can't expect her to be open and transparent with you if you don't also share your honest thoughts, feelings and experience of your day - even if it's scary and vulnerable for you - this builds trust and safety, you're leading by example.
Show compassion and empathy towards her when she is going through difficult times. Yes sometimes this means seeing that her tense or upset emotional state is not about you, it's a reflection of a tense state inside her. You can't fix that for her, but you can be a consistent support that she can rely on. This does not mean you accept abuse such ads belittling or name calling - good boundaries are also key in creating trust and emotional safety - again, you need to lead the mess of creating a good foundation of care and commitment in your marriage.
Be willing to apologize and take responsibility for your actions when you make a mistake. This includes when you get upset and react defensively. You must own that no one else is responsible for how you are feeling. Learn how to understand and talk about your feelings as your own creation and your own responsibility to resolve.
Respect your partner's boundaries and communicate your own boundaries clearly and respectfully. remember that boundaries are for yourself, just as her boundaries are for her. They are important for each of us to feel safe, feel respected and for us to be able to relax and trust each other more - which is essential for emotional and physical intimacy.
Be consistent in your actions and words, and avoid sending mixed signals. When you say you'll do something, follow through. When you don't follow through, it feels like you lied to her and that will break the emotional safety between you and slowly erode at the trust which will affect the closeness and intimacy between you.
Show appreciation and gratitude towards your partner, and let them know how much you value them. This is such an easy thing to do, yet we rarely take the time to do it. Why? Most of us are waiting for her to do it first (and she's waiting for you). So take the lead, find things about her that are not just physical appearance - like character traits - see her for who she is and tell her about why you appreciate that about her.
Make an effort to understand and support your partner's needs and desires. Do you even know what she needs from you? Not what she needs to give you what you want, but what she needs to feel cared for, feel relaxed, feel connected and safe with you. A woman who feels cared for, safe and relaxed is much more willing to want to connect with you in the ways that you really like.
Work together to create a safe and healthy relationship by owning your emotions, being calm, open, honest and respectful. Yes communication is key to a more intimate relationship, but communicating from an emotional state of judgement, bitterness or resentment will break the emotional safety, erode the trust and kill the desire for intimacy between you. Be aware of your emotional and energetic state - she can sense your emotions before you say anything, so learn what you're communicating with your body language.

It's important to understand that emotional safety takes time and effort to build, and it's a continuous process. It's key to be consistent and make an effort to create a safe and healthy environment for you both to feel safe to share vulnerably and honestly with each other.

Vulnerable communication and listening to understand how she's feeling are key aspects for providing emotional safety, you both need to be able to express your desires, fears, feelings, needs and boundaries without feeling criticised or judged.

In conclusion, emotional safety is a crucial aspect of any relationship, and it is particularly important for your wife in order for her to feel safe enough to be intimate with you.

Emotional safety allows her to open up emotionally, feel secure in the relationship, be seen, heard and understood, and have her boundaries respected. It enables her to connect on a deeper level, understand your perspective too, and to learn and grow together.

Emotional safety is a continuous process that requires awareness, effort and maintenance from both partners, and it's important for both individuals to be aware of their actions and words and how they affect the emotional safety within the relationship.

So how are you leading the emotional safety in your marriage?

Working with a men's coach will help speed up the process of reconnecting with your partner. Apply for a free 90 minute coaching call today.

Categories: : distant wife, emotional safety, intimacy, roommates, sexless marriage