How To Be A More Confident & Attractive Man

Confidence, one of the most attractive things women love to feel from men, but how exactly do you learn how to be a more confident & attractive man?

Many of the married men we coach initially find us because they want to be a more confident and attractive man and husband.

Confidence is an aphrodisiac for women. It consistently comes out as the number one trait that creates a feeling of attraction, trust, adventure and safety.

But what does confidence look like?

How do you "get" it?

Can you "fake it till you make it"?

And how can you create safety AND attraction at the same time, aren't they opposite energies?

You may recognise that there are areas of your life where you feel very confident and other areas where you feel less confident and it's not always obvious to us why that happens.

Those areas of life where you feel confident are usually based on competence - how well you trust yourself to complete a specific task such as at work where we've built the skills required over a prolonged period of time.

This is called behavioural confidence.

In life what this looks like is, there's a problem, something needs to be "done" to fix the problem.

But in relationships, when we're talking about confidence and attraction, behavioural confidence often fails.

Why?

Because we lack the other two types of confidence...emotional confidence and spiritual confidence.

When your confidence is purely behavioural it's dependent on your ability to achieve a specific result and when the specific result is that someone thinks of you a certain way, or feels about you a certain way, or behaves towards you in a certain way such as being affectionate or having sex with you, then your confidence is completely out of your control and reliant on them.

When your wife or partner has a positive opinion of you and wants to be affectionate and sexual towards you, you feel good! But when she doesn't show you that she's attracted to you or appreciative of you, you feel bad.

Now your self confidence is insecure and unreliable, which makes you try and fix the insecurity and regain control of your confidence.

But in relationships, you end up chasing certainty from the other person. You place your sense of confidence on their shoulders and because the other person knows that she can't be that consistent, reliable, predictable source of love, validation and happiness for you all the time, it does the opposite of creating attraction and instead puts pressure on her and the relationship which actually pushes her away.

True Confidence Comes From Within

True confidence has nothing to do with what is happening in your outer life.

True confidence isn’t created because of what you do, but because of your belief in the ability you have within to do anything you want to.

When you base your confidence on who you are, instead of outcomes, no one and no circumstance can ever take your confidence away from you.

Often in relationships there's an internal conversation happening in your head that says "I’ll feel really good about myself when…"

But this keeps you constantly chasing achievements and outcomes to find peace and happiness.

What if replaced that internal conversation with a different one that says, "Right now, I feel really good about myself because…” and focus on the aspects of yourself that you appreciate.

True confidence doesn’t come from you not having any fear. It comes from trusting yourself to have the courage to act in spite of your fear.

Being confident means believing in yourself.

It doesn't mean you're better than others.

To have behavioural confidence the key is to keep taking action. The more you TRUST YOURSELF to move toward what you want, the more confidence you’ll feel.

What About Those Other Types Of Confidence?

Emotional confidence is something that you develop inside you. It's the willingness to feel and understand your emotions fully. It's the courage to express how you're feeling without shame or apology.

Spiritual confidence is a quiet, gentle sense of peace and self trust. It's the willingness to trust that whatever situation you find yourself in, you will learn and grow to be able to deal with it in the right way for you.

Spiritual confidence is what's needed FIRST before we can have emotional and behavioural confidence.

It's belief in yourself, that you have value and that you have a lot to offer the world and other people without needing validation them to approve of you.

You are unique.

So in a long term relationship or marriage where the passion is lacking and arguments are on the rise, learning how to be confident in who you are and your unique value is KEY.

Attraction requires that you get this. That you believe in your innate goodness and that you ARE a valuable man with a lot to offer.

Without it you will forever chase feeling confident through approval and validation from other people. And you will feel totally un-confident without that positive affirmation of your value from your external circumstances.

So whether you're struggling with a wife who wants out, or you can feel the connection in your marriage slowly slipping away, you need to find a way to respond to the situation that affirms who you are as a man, aligns with what you want and gives her something to react to.

This is the source of you regaining your self respect and self worth.

Make choices to boldly stand for what you want.

Don't push down your feelings and live a life of anxiety and fear.

Be courageous. Be confident in who you are. Commit to creating the life you REALLY want.

In our coaching we teach you how to become bullet-proof to the judgments of others and their rejection or disapproval of you.

From there you can’t be “hurt, insulted, controlled, offended or emasculated.”

You’re no longer a victim of external circumstances.

You learn how to live from a frame of KNOWING you're valuable, lovable and significant EVEN IF someone else is acting like you’re not.

This is the secret power we all really want.

How to be calm, cool, collected, self-assured and reside in a constant state of well-being, even when the world around you is challenging, you know you will be able to handle it.

If you're tired of feeling shut down and rejected by your partner and you KNOW there's a much richer, more fun, playful and connected, passionate life out there for you, but you can't seem to find the path to make it happen, then get in touch with us. Fill out our coaching application form and schedule a free 90 minute call with us.

We'd love to help you find your confident swagger again.

With love brother.

Categories: : attraction, confidence, trust